We are getting boring because we are getting bored... too quickly!

“When was the last time I was with a group of friends who were totally focused in a conversation?” I kept thinking that over lunch yesterday when I noticed that all five people except one did not grab his/her phone at least once during the meal. I cannot remember the last time I sat down to talk or to eat with people, and one of us did not grab our smartphones to text, tweet or get on Facebook or Instagram. I tend to think right after I get my phone to see if I got a text or to literally scroll down my “FB” page if the conversation with the people is actually boring. It obviously isn’t tedious, or else I wouldn’t be together with them, and what I have realized recently is that it feels as if it weren’t enough to just be with them. It’s as if I needed more contact, more people texting me or commenting on my Facebook pictures/posts/groups/pages/anything! After finally realizing that “we scan for an opportunity for any type of contact at every given moment”, as Small and Vorgan establish, it made sense that looking at my phone every two minutes didn’t make me feel more missed or special or popular simply due to the fact that it’s virtual contact. I know, it is sad that it took me 5 years of Facebook to actually perceive this. 

I came across an article today entitled "L.A. restaurant offers discount for checking your smartphones at the door". Not only do I admire this restaurant's preoccupation with "want[ing] to create that environment of home and [...] want[ing] people to connect again", but it really makes me sad that bribery has become a means of us keeping our phones away. I am not saying that it's a terrible solution, I just think it makes us look completely dominated by our gadgets. Which, unquestionably  we are. 

I just cannot figure out the reason behind our need to have virtual contact all the time.  Shouldn’t we give more value to the people that we actually have face-to-face contact? Another reality that simply puzzles me is that when I’m caught between giving attention to my virtual conversations at the same time as my “real” ones, I just cannot focus and be totally intrigued by either one. What is the solution to this problem of mine then? Simple, control myself and keep my phone away. 

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It is not that simple, though…

Unfortunately, we cannot simply keep our gadgets away from our reach for much longer anymore because technology has become completely integrated within our society. It defines our society. Our phones and computers play a huge and crucial role in every aspect of our lives, whether it is for the virtual contacting, for using it as a planner, a map, a camera or a door out of boredom.  However crucial our gadgets are now a days, they still make us less able to focus more deeply on any task or conversation, which makes us maintain a horizontal connectivity to everything and everyone. Rather than actually deeply concentrating on less throughout our day, we choose to pay more attention to more while not fully grasping anything. Our addiction to our phones and the Internet take the blame for this.

           

From experience, I know how many people had to control themselves not to check their phones at least once in an hour and a half classes in high school. Digital natives, as my generation is called, have a harder time concentrating in every single aspect in life, but not because they are always thinking about their phones or their computer. Due to the amount of information we receive electronically every single day, our brain is able to process and filter more of this information (Small and Vorgan), which is a positive aspect, don’t get me wrong. Simultaneously, however, this state of continuous partial attention that we have created with the increasing use and addiction to the Internet seems to make us bored more quickly. We keep searching for more contact, more interesting topics, articles, conversations, people, excitement… virtual excitement… It’s like we’re never fully satisfied and clearly never fully concentrated. What worries me about this is that we’re missing out on the physical contact with people we actually see. And by see I do not mean seeing their BBM picture on their screens.

To expand on this increasing lack of interest on everything and anyone, I would like to share one of the most awkward social situations I have ever found myself in. I went for a late lunch with a couple of people from my group project in one of my classes today. We got to know each other better earlier today, since we spent the afternoon together. So, after getting my food and sitting down last, I started eating and realized both of them were on their phones, laughing and smiling independently, and were simply not communicating with each other. Three minutes into my meal I was simply feeling so out of place that I decided to make small talk, asking about their dorms, their college life, if they were homesick, all of that boring stuff, and yet I just managed to receive monosyllabic answers from both. I was puzzled, worried and bored too! After receiving this reaction from them I remembered this article I read where the author, Tony Dokoupil, claims the Internet is making us “more depressed and anxious, prone to obsessive-compulsive and attention-deficit disorders, even outright psychotic”. I just really wish we would simply stop our hands from slipping into either our bags or pockets to get our phones before putting them on the table and ruining a potential deeper connection with people you still don’t know that well.

           

Disappointed would not even describe how I felt towards their attitude during lunch. Not only did I find it rude, but it just emphasized how sadly addicted we are to this tiny computer we carry around with us all the time. What if they did not have their phones with them during lunch? Would we have been able to talk and connect more? The depressive truth is that we would not, exactly because our minds have developed to monitor more in quantity, but not in depth. Even if they did not have the phones with them, our conversation would still not have been more interesting because we simply cannot connect as deeply and significantly as we did before. There’s no established pattern as to where our focus runs off to whenever we are engaging in activities we are not interested in; we just act as if we are not in the frame of mind to be in that place, at that moment, doing that specific activity. We are becoming boring people because we are getting bored easily. Keep your phone away from you for longer periods of time, and I am positive we’ll see ourselves improving our vertical connectivity to everything.